Week 2

Hey guys, we’re back with Week 2 of Late Night Thing. A week that begins not with a bang, but with an apology. That’s not true at all. We don’t apologize for anything here, this is, after all, the American part of the tubes. Anyways, this week should be a little different. Many of the late night network offerings are not reruns, but are, in fact, first run episodes! Yes, indeed, the holidays get it done again.

Speaking of the holidays, We get a lot of e-mails here at the Late Night Thing Wing at AltGN Murdershow HQ intimating that Spring is the greatest of the seasons (not to mention all the comments on the last Late Night Thing), but you’re all wrong. Fall (the Indians call it “maize”) is so clearly the greatest of the seasons, we can’t even figure out how the debate continues to rage on Seriously, it’s over. Why don’t you expend your energy on a debate worth having? Maybe which is the better Deschanel sister (the smart money is on Zooey)? Either way, the leaves change colors, the only good holidays (In your face, Arbor Day!) are here in Autumn, the NFL, NHL, and NBA seasons start (not to mention baseball playoffs), and the weather picks up, i.e., the humidity finally goes away. Plus, we get an hour of sleep back. Game over, Spring.

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Russell Crowe, Jenna Bush, Carrie Underwood
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Joe Torre, Jerry Seinfeld
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Charles Barkley, Billy Baldwin, Seether
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Kristin Chenoweth, Clive Barker, James Jonann
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Sarah Silverman, Balthazar Getty, Wayne Newton, Justice

Erech: If you want to see some highly inappropriate boob and fart jokes from old men tonight, The Tonight Show should fill that slot nicely. First watch Jay and the always creepy Crowe man it up in large and disturbing strokes, each doing their best impression of guys who you’d kill if your daughter brought them home as their date. Then, as the perpetual 12 year old boy that he is, Leno will take every chance to ruin the THE ENTIRE FLOW of their convo and pervert what G-dub’s daughter says - calling her out like Beavis calls out Butthead - “you said pee hehe” - ooh that’ll be great.

Letterman talking post-season gossip with Joe Torre should be fun, especially if you like seeing Dave when he has a guest of some import, sharing a mutual convo about a subject that interests him. Also, it’s been pretty newsy for the Yanks this week, so yeah.

But I hate baseball.

Kimmel is a rerun tonight (I’m sure this time, even though I said all last week on Kimell were reruns too… d’oh!), from about a month ago, with Sarah pimping the return of her Comedy Central show - you’d think since they bump uglies, they’d be more fun to watch together on his show. Hmm, not really the case though.

Stephan: I will watch anything that involves Charles Barkley talking and so should you. He’s great, and he and Conan should be a decent preamble for the NBA season that finally starts Tuesday night. After Barkley, Conan has Billy Baldwin, who you might remember from such films as Fair Game and John Carpenter’s Vampires It turns out he and Danny Baldwin are still different people. Whatever, Baldwins. Alec’s still the only one that counts.

Erech: Up yours, lesser Baldwins!

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Tom Cruise, Rep. Ron Paul, the Sex Pistols
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Jennifer Connelly, Slash, Nicole Atkins
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Ethan Hawke, Susie Essman, Zappa Plays Zappa
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Steve Carell, Good Charlotte
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Rebecca Romijn, the sixth eliminated celebrity from “Dancing with the Stars”, James Lipton

Erech: Kind of a boring night. I bet Leno makes some crack about young Suri to Tom that’s highly inappropriate - but I guess that observation is like shooting fish in a barrel, yeah?

I’ll be checking out a much better show tonight anyways, out seeing The Comedians of Comedy (sans Mr. Oswalt - boo) - jealous much? TV is for suckers!

Stephan: I am jealous much. That Comedians of Comedy show is tough to beat, but our Late Night friends give it a go. Ron Paul (He’s from the internet!) and Tom Cruise (He’s from nutjob!) are on Leno. How exciting is that? None? Well, fair enough, but what about a bunch of other people you don’t care about? Oh, and Letterman’s got Jennifer Connelly.

Unfortunately, not this Jennifer Connelly though (this may be NSFW depending on how your workplace views undulating, tight t-shirted, 20-year-old chests):

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Eva Mendes, Barry Manilow
• The Late Show with David Letterman - David Spade, Penn and Teller, The Go! Team
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Roger Daltrey, Manchester Orchestra
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - John Lydon, Steve Jones, Joe Theisman, the Sex Pistols
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Andy Dick, Nick Swardson, Everytime I Die

Erech: After giving Swardson’s new album a mixed review last week, it’ll be interesting to see how he reacts to it on Kimmel. Oh wait, what I am talking about, nobody reads this site! *

Letterman has a nice line-up tonight - Spades always rocks the Sullivan, should be funny.

Stephan: Y’know how on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Mac has Carmen, the super foxy transvestite he’s always sneaking off to make out with? Eva Mendes, if you’re reading this, and I’m pretty sure that you are, I’m willing to let you be my Carmen. Sure, it’ll be hard for me (hee hee!) that you still have your bangers and mash, but you’re really hot (especially for a dude, but even for a lady) and always great on talk shows, and I’m willing to work through my discomfort, provided you stop making bad movies. Seriously, other than Training Day and, I guess, Out of Time (which wasn’t very good), I haven’t been able to sit through a single one of your films. You’re killing me over here.

Oh, and Nick Swardson is funny and I’m pretty sure I like Every Time I Die (they’re Candiria for teens), and I know Brian Posehn likes them, so good job Kimmel’s Booking Team.

Erech: Party!

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Denzel Washington, Dave Salmoni, LeAnn Rimes
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Dr. Phil McGraw, Ryan Adams
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Dane Cook, Emily Mortimer, Slash
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Sir Anthony Hopkins, Yvonne Strahovski
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Jerry O’Connell, Common, Thurston Moore

Erech: For a second, I thought Conan had FAMOUS Mortimer on - looks like I’m gonna be sad. Also, what the hell is Slash pimping this week that has him all over the place? If I was more prepared, I would tell you - see what happens when your writing staff doesn’t get paid on time AltGN Murdershow??

Stephan: If you can’t enjoy Dave busting on Dr. Phil, you can’t enjoy any of the good things in life. Fact. I think Slash is selling a book (or maybe a memoir). Now I’ll finally have something to put on my bookshelf next to Tommyland, The Heroin Diaries, and The Dirt. Don’t worry guys, it’s okay because my bookshelf lives in a trailer park.

Erech: Remember when Anthony Hopkins said he was going to retire from making movies a few years back?

SIGH.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - TBD, Backstreet Boys
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Bill Murray, Jay-Z
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Jerry Seinfeld, Seth MacFarlane
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Seth Green, Dwight Yoakam
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Christina Applegate, Zachary Quinto, LeAnn Rimes

Stephan: Leno’s got the always popular TBD and the Backstreet Boys going. I think this episode might be a repeat from 1998. To counter that bit of awful, Letterman’s got Bill Murray and Jay-Z on the same show. You can’t beat that lineup with a thousand Leno repeats.

Erech: Conan and Seinfeld is a nice pairing, they seem to have a similar sense of humor about certain things - and unlike all the other talk shows Jerry will be doing to pimp his new movie this week, he’ll probably not just be using Conze as a sounding board to try out some of his new stand-up material. In other words, they’ll actually interact - put the bourbon down and take notes Robin Williams.

And then following that, Seth MacFarlane will for the next 8 minutes exude from every oversized mutant-Peter Brady pore in his body just why his shows aren’t funny.

Letterman wins the night though - Bill Murray should make a DVD of all his Late Night appearances and sell it, if only to me, who’d buy 18 copies at least. I mean, Christmas is coming up after all!

And so goes another week down the turlet! Remember kids, you can play along at home with Late Night Thing and predict who you think will be good on the programs this week too. Just remember, we’re professionals - so don’t feel bad if you get a few wrong (we’re looking at you, Craig Ferguson fans)!

* Editor’s Note - Actually it seems Swardson DID in fact read the review in question, so AltGN Murdershow may really get a shout-out on Kimmel that night after all. But probably not.