Week Twenty-two!

Um, Robin Williams? Seriously? Do you guys not get how this works? Is this just a joke to you? We know that every Hall of Fame is ultimately worthless, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend, dammit. Anyways, even coked-out Robin Williams isn’t fun enough to be included in the Late Night Guest Hall of Fame. This is America, we do have funny people here. We know the 80s were a wasteland for comedy, and Robin Williams is definitely better than our pal Billy Crystal (Ugh, just ugh.), but being better than Billy Crystal is something that every American participates in, and if we let every American in the Hall, then what’s the point?

Maybe it’s our fault. Perhaps we didn’t do a good enough job explaining what “good” means. Plus, the inclusion of Drew Barrymore might have been a little ambiguous. We can explain that though, watch her on the Dave Show sometime; she discombobulates Dave consistently. Does Robin “I’m Terrible” Williams do that? (Please bear in mind that “infuriate” and “discombobulate” are different words.) So fair enough, we’ll take the blame for this one, but in the future, perhaps we could all agree that unfunny people from 20 years ago don’t belong here.

Here’s an example of someone you could defensibly vote for:
(part 1)

(part 2)

See what you should be looking for? Okay, great. We’re going to keep the polls alive for another week, since it was our mistake, and you guys (no, that’s not ripping on Kristen Bell, you can still vote for her) can resubmit your votes correctly this time. If you’re still a little confused, we’ve got another week of commentary for you right below:

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Dave Salmoni, Norm MacDonald, Ashlee Simpson
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Billy Crystal, Maria Sharapova
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Rachael Ray, John Cho, Grizzly Bear
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Kate Beckinsale, Ken Tucker
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Don Rickles, Jim Sturgess, Black Tide

STEPHAN: Leno has some juice this week. THE Norm MacDonald doesn’t need any help being awesome, and even Jay can’t bring him down. Ashley Simpson might be able to, but hopefully this will be a Courtney Thorne-Smith situation.

ERECH: That Ferguson guy is pulling reruns until Thursday, so now is the time to catch up if you missed them first go round. Beckinsale is a pretty big guest to pull for The Late Late Show, at least in name. We all know she’s about 1 more bad movie away from going down the Alicia Silverstone road though, because remember when they used to let her be the lead in movies? Oh no, you’re only 25 and that was before your time? Well yes, it was a long time ago, but I think maybe that was my point. Hot, but useless. Sexist? Never.

James has his 3 day weekend episode up, a decent repeat from last month. Although Don Rickles makes anything decent in my book. Sure, he tells the same 1 joke over and over again, and watching him fidget scat and be-bop all over the segments is but a mere glimpse into how annoying Robin Williams is going to be like at 80 - still though, I like him. Don’t know why, and despite my judgement, I just do. He’s a jerk, and I’m pretty sure I can relate.

Finally, Conan has John Cho, one half of the Harold & Kumar comedy team. Why Kal Penn isn’t stuffed into the B-guest slot right along with John, we’ll never know. Oh wait, yeah we will, because unlike Leno and his staff, Conan and his crew aren’t racist jerks!*

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Segel, Goldfrapp
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Helen Hunt, Chris “Mad Dog” Russo, Kathleen Edwards
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Andy Richter, She & Him
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Laurence Fishburne, Rashida Jones, Joe DeVito
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Brad Garrett, 6th eliminated celeb from “Dancing with the Stars”, Paul Thorn

ERECH: Hmm, Leno kind of has some good guests going this week. And not good in that 20 million a picture sense, but actual legitimately funny and interesting people. Is it worth it to watch Leno though to see those people? Well you’re going to have to judge that for yourself, friend.

Dave has the always lovely but hardly seen anymore Helen Hunt. Mad About You, awful. As Good As It Gets, awesome. Cinema, it’s the great equalizer.

STEPHAN: Andy Richter *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP* This is a big night of Late Night TV. Everyone but Jimmy has a good lineup tonight. 1000 episodes of unwatchability there. Leno is probably even worth watching. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is hot and awesome (and totally rich), Jason Segel is great, and that Goldfrapp lady is awfully attractive as well.

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Patrick Dempsey, Ed Begley Jr., Tegan and Sara
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Tina Fey, Russell Brand, Tokyo Police Club
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Seth Green, Peter Greenberg, Radiohead
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jonny Lee Miller
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Eric Dane, Bill Hader, Vampire Weekend

STEPHAN: Is Tina Fey selling that awful movie, or the best show on television? And how does that happen? 30 Rock is by far the best show on television right now, and yet Tina Fey is still off making a bad movie and giving lame monologues in support of Hillary. Is Robert Carlock the real sauce that makes 30 Rock taste so sweet? Oh, and do we like Russell Brand? He seems like a superdouche, but also, he occasionally does stuff with Karl Pilkington (Britain’s Greatest Hero). Stay tuned after Tina, and we can all decide tonight.

The Zone tonight is my personal Hell. I’m not saying that you, dear reader, can’t enjoy it, but that’s a lot of awful. Although I did once have a bartender explain to me that I didn’t like “Kid A” because I had failed to realize that the “A” stood for “android.” As helpful as bartenders are, they do give me happy juice in exchange for paper, this particular piece of advice has turned out to be absolutely worthless.

ERECH: Dave has a nice show tonight. Tina always brings it. Russell Brand looks to be the highlight of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And Tokyo Police Club will remind you why booger-sugar is so awesome.

Alright, forget what I said last about Leno having good guests this week. McDreamy is as boring and insincere as they come, and also, kind of creepy too right? Ed Begley Jr, while I have nothing against him personally, but why is he on here? Finally Tegan and Sara, who despite the best efforts of obnoxious hipsters trying to force these two down my throat for the last 4 years, I’m taking the stand and saying no more. This is the kind of show you’d expect from Magic Johnson, or Pat Sajak, not the guy who somehow gets the highest ratings every damn night. I hate you America.

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Marilu Henner, Old 97’s
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Brett Favre, Estelle
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Amy Poehler
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Ben Stein, Alicia Witt, Andrew Norelli
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - David Spade, Jean Smart, Ashlee Simpson

ERECH: Dave has a great show tonight. Brett and Dave shooting the poo over all things footballs will be nice. And even if you don’t like Estelle, she’s gonna bring it tonight, guaranteed.

STEPHAN: Andy Richter’s little sister is on the Zone tonight, only a few days removed from her older brother’s appearance. Richter Week is a theme that’s tough to top, but Fergie’s got something going tonight. Ben Stein is either a retard or a soulless opportunist, and Craig should have fun making fun of him tonight. Then the always great Alicia Witt (Maybe she’ll even play the piano!) is going to go through all the extravagant things she purchased with her paycheck from “88 Minutes” with f-Craiggers while profusely apologizing to America. And people said late stage capitalism is bad. (It’s not called the Dismal Science indeed.)

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Hugh Laurie, Doug Fine, Prince
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Craig Ferguson, Ira Glass, the Black Crowes
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Tina Fey, Fred Willard, Say Anything
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Jason Segel, Connie Schultz
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Neil Patrick Harris, Marilu Henner, the Swell Season

STEPHAN: Hugh Laurie and Prince? Jay is really getting the karmic payback for not doing any scabwork during the strike. Maybe Ben Stein can make a sequel about how the universe is just and science is evil using Jay Leno as evidence.

ERECH: Letterman and Craiggers, you had me at hello. Sure, I’ll watch.

I think tonight on Conan, I’m Fey and out. Willard is all well and good, but if you’ve seen him do his thing once, you’ve seen him do it ONE BILLION TIMES. And Say Anything might do something weird with their live performance tonight and make it interesting, but I heard their last album, and yikes. Trust me here kids, when Tina leaves, so should you.

And so comes to a close this weeks fine, fine installment of Late Night Thing. The boys are still busy calculating the Hall of Fame Guests, but don’t you worry any - when they know who they are so will you! I mean, it’s not like Stephan & Erech are going to play this one close to the vest, they don’t do running bits around here or play with their readers heads. Up front, and on time. LNT, that’s just how they roll.

LNT ARCHIVES

* Please see last weeks LNT for the backstory. Also we cannot actually vouch for the staff at Late Night not being racist. There are an awful lot of irish boys working on that show, and if the irish aren’t know for being sober, it’s also for their deep and meaningful public examples of equality. Plus that Brian Stack owns an awful lot of white sheets, if you catch our drift…