Week The 30th.

or

The Invisible Hand of Fate

We did have a lot of important things to say about things, but those Venture Boys keep getting it done and, well, we’re all more interested in what they’re on about than pretty much anything on the weeknight shows, even if this week’s VB was a little weaker than the previous two this season.

Well, that’s maybe not fair, it’s just three backstory heavy eps in a row is a bit daunting, even to the VB superfans here at LNT HQ. Of course, that wasn’t supposed to be the plan. Jackson Publick claims on his blog that production problems forced this episode to air now, instead of the middle of the season where it was supposed to be aired. So, yeah, this episode will be great once it’s back where it belongs cuz it still has the goods (or at very least …the nozzle).

Anyways, this episode answers a lot of questions, but it raised a lot more:

Number one, Master Billy Quizboy is a fraud, who apparently never went to college (admittedly he has had 17 years or so since to get that done), but he performed Dean’s testicular torsion surgery. That bit was already terrifying, but finding out that Billy probably isn’t even a doctor makes it all the more so.

Number two, was Phantom Limb actually part of the Guild of Calamitous Intent from the beginning or not? When he killed that kid after waking up, his immediate reaction was shock and/or horror before that smile crept over his face. Was the accident really the cause of his turn to evil, or was he always on that side?

Number three, why did Master Billy Quizboy’s memory get wiped? Other than Pete White causing him a lot of grief, nothing so horrible happened that he needed his mind wiped. Or did it? When Pete White came back to the Venture Compound, Dr. Venture seemed to be waiting for him. Plus, Brock did drop off the Quizboy with White at the end, which didn’t really make any sense, unless there was something more happening.

Number four, is OSI still GoCI infiltrated? It could explain why they wanted Brock to take down Hunter. Along with this, how was Brock shocked that Hunter wanted to be a woman? All he did was dress up as a woman and talk about wanting breasts. And why was the Guild underground then, but not any more?

Finally, Myra was definitely around when the Bros were babies, but we still don’t know if she’s their mother, or if they are just some sort of clone experiment. We do know the boys were around before Brock, so Hank is probably not a clone of Brock. And Myra has blonde hair and Rusty has red, so that would account for the boys hair color (and personality), now that Brock is potentially out of the genetic mix.

The more questions it answers, the more it also raises as well!!

Either way, this is going to be a great season folks. This was the weakest episode (although when put in proper context, probably not), but the VB universe just got substantially bigger. Look at all those unresolved questions we have now, and we didn’t even mention the awesomely violent OSI thing, or the underground quiz circuit.

Television definitely peaked already this week, but since the new Venture Bros. doesn’t air until next Sunday come along with us as we guide you through the perilously long week:

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Anne Hathaway, the winner of the U.S. Open, Amos Lee
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Mike Myers, BMX star Kevin Robinson, Adele
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Ann Curry, Mario Batali, the Lordz
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Alfred Molina, Salman Rushdie
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - RERUN

STEPHAN: Mario Batali is the best. Remember when the Food Network actually cared about people who cared about food? Somehow that network has gone from Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain to Guy Fieri. After watching Mario kill it on the Zone tonight, you really owe it to yourself to read Bill Buford’s Heat. It’s ostensibly about Buford’s journey from writer (well, literary editor of the New Yorker) to full-on cook. Mario Batali and Marco Pierre White both feature heavily in the journey and it’s a great, great book.

If food isn’t your thing, Craiggers has a regular humdinger tonight. Craiggers and Doc Ock are great together, and Rushdie is selling a book about magical ladies (which is Craiggers wheelhouse).

ERECH: I hate Ann Curry. Not enough to want to spit on her if I saw her in real life or anything, but still I hate. She’s useless. She’s typical of that sort of awful brand of morning anchorwoman nonsense I hate so much, which somehow is categorized now as journalism. Faux-chuckling as she reads to us a story about a water-skiing squirrel one second and then faux-crying as she reads to us about a family of 18 dying in a popsicle truck accident the next. And certainly no exception to the rule, but if you’re going to be as horrible as, you’d at least better be at least as charming as your peers - the Meredith Viera’s and Joan Lunden types. But she’s not. Instead she’s boring, bland, mundane, and for some reason has regardless risen the ranks at NBC news to where she’s on something like 48 different shows a day (no for real, we checked) between NBC prime and all their sister channels. BLAH. What she also is however, is a sign that either someone cancelled on Conan at the last minute or they couldn’t get anyone on worthwhile at all to begin with. I suppose she could be there to talk about Russert, or the subject will definitely come up regardless, but if you’re going to have someone discuss Russert’s passing I can think of about 4,923 NBC employees who’d have been a better choice for that than Bland Curry. Stephan likes cooking guys, I do however do not, so the B guest means nothing to me, NOTHING. Top tonight off with the complete awfulness of the Lordz as musical guest, and even with the prospects of seeing some new Pierre Bernard as Tiger Woods action you couldn’t get me to watch Conze tonight if you paid me, sorry guys.

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Don Rickles, Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, Ernie Johnson, Jewel
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Steve Carell, Lance Armstrong, Dr. John & Stevie Wonder sits in w/ the band
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Megan Mullally, Brittany Snow, Detroit Octane
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Virginia Madsen, Darin Strauss, John Hiatt
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Kate Walsh, Jerry Springer, Chromeo

ERECH: When I was about 13-14, I got to see Virginia Madsen and Treat Williams filming a made-for-cable movie in Downtown Seattle. It was my first exposure to anything like that, famous people and movie sets etc, and I got to see Ms. Madsen up close, and instantly fell in love. I even got a copy of the shooting script for the movie, which I would keep in my locker at school and study intently to learn how movies were made, the words, the craft, the wonder. The magic! THIS was that movie. Maybe that explains why I’m living in Pittsburgh now, and not off somewhere making movies, or at least millions. Ms. Madsen is still pretty though after all these years, and funny too. Her and Craiggers should be a treat (Williams?), so do tune in and watch.

STEPHAN: As terrible as Jay is, that’s a killer lineup tonight. Don Rickles is great no matter what, but the entire Inside the NBA crew together in LA? That is where entertainment happens. EJ, Sir Charles, and The Jet are not only the best basketball analysts going, they’re not only the best sports analysts on television, but they have the most consistently entertaining hour on television. Even Especially when the games are bad.

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Kaitlyn Doddridge, Against Me!
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Martha Wainwright
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Mike Myers, Jordana Spiro
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Don Cheadle, Olivia Thirlby, Ricky Skaggs & the Kentucky Thunder
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Adam Carolla, Jewel

STEPHAN: Remember when The Rock was poised to be a guy that people wanted to see in things. He was substantially more charismatic than any of his wrestling brethren, he was pretty good hosting that SNL, and he wasn’t terrible as that CGI’d monster guy in that Mummy sequel. He should have been Arnold again. Say what you want about Schwarzenegger, but he made some good movies. At least entertaining movies happened around him. I’ve listened to his commentary for Total Recall and he clearly doesn’t understand why that movie is good, but that’s probably why the movie worked. The Rock should have been him, but self aware and capable of making both types of good movie. Instead, he’s not been making any type of good movie, although I’m sure Get Smart is a return to form. (A return to form directed by the guy who made Adam Sandler’s Anger Management. Ugh.)

ERECH: I hate Jewel. Just almost enough to want to spit on her if I saw her in real life or something, but still I hate. She’s useless. One minute she’s off trying to make gay disco music to pump life back into her career and acting like she was always some gay disco queen, then the next she’s pretending she’s just the same good ol’ gal from Alaska who lives down by the river in her van. Phooey. Jewel’s been rich and famous for almost 15 years now, think about that the next time she tries selling that crap. And let’s be honest, for about 12 of those years, she’s been coasting off that one $%damn song, you know the one. NOW however, this washed up girl who’s just “so real” is a judge on that mutant hillbilly singing contest on NBC (that even the NBC talkies aren’t helping to promote, big surprise there…), with Hannah Montana’s dad, and we’re supposed to even pretend to care about that at all? Fill in a big dose of Carolla tonight on Jimmy, and you’ve got an extra special loser episode at ABC, YIKES.

In fact it looks like most of tonight is gonna be a stinker on all the programs, so just go out and get drunk or something like we’re gonna.

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Wanda Sykes, James McAvoy, Duffy
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Jason Bateman, Teri Garr, Keyshia Cole
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Anne Hathaway, Romany Malco, My Morning Jacket
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Billy Bob Thornton, Lewis Black, Billy Bob Thornton & The Boxmasters
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Steve Carell, Lil’ Wayne

ERECH: Dave is gonna be just good enough tonight I think. Justin Bateman (brother of Justine!) is the A guest, Teri Garr will always have a special place in my heart (and yours as well, if you have one!) as the B, and then some R&B singer-lady with a nice chest will make Dave have to break out his “pretend-to-like-your-performace” face - and that’s always fun. What more do you want?

Conan has the wildly underrated Romany Malco on, who also happens to be a friend of LNT. So regardless of how boring (Hathaway) or awful (My Boring Jacket) the talk-show-sammich he’s stuck between may be, I’ll be tuning in for at least 10 minutes tonight. AS SHOULD YOU.

STEPHAN: Erech already covered the best goods, but I would like to point out that Craiggers is going to be something tonight. Billy Bob talking then Billy Bob singing? Presumably he’s a singer. I have no idea, and I’m prepared to be surprised. The thing that’s great about Thorton is that he’s actually crazy. He’s not one of the regular celebutards who pretend to be crazy and interesting, but are really more boring than all your friends (the celebutards just have money and access so they occasionally seem less boring), he’s legitimately nuts. Plus, he’s funny, and he tagged Angelina Jolie when she was still pretending(?) to be crazy. I, for one, am greatly looking forward to this night of televised magic.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Bette Midler
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Denis Leary, the Baseball Project
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Jason Bateman, Masi Oka, Alejandro Escovedo
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Jeffrey Tambor
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Regis Philbin, Morgan Murphy

STEPHAN: What’s happening tonight? Usually, Friday night is the dregs, and while there’s still some of that (Jay + Bette Midler = AIDS), there’s a lot to love too. Half the Arrested Development cast is out selling things, some good (Hellboy II), some bad (Hancock might not be bad, but it is a PG-13 Will Smith movie, and that hasn’t been a pleasant road as of late), but really what’s important is that they’re getting out there and keeping us entertained until the movie gets released.

Morgan Murphy is America’s Greatest Hero, and will make an amazing closer to the Regis. I had trouble picking a video (they’re all awesome), so I’ll just include this Dragon Boy Suede clip that MM features heavily (and hilariously) in:

ERECH: Closing out the week, Jimmy does something right with the (as Stephan mentioned) hilarious comedy stylings of Mr. Morgan Murphy - he’s damn funny (yeah yeah, that jokes not funny, but someday it MIGHT be!)!

Denis Leary is in the LNT Collective Hate-Pit, so it goes without saying that Dave is a pass tonight.

Justin Bateman checks into the Zone tonight, and that’ll be great, and if you switch the channels back and forth to CBS fast enough it’ll kinda be like watching a new episode of Arrested Development - hopefully Fergie doesn’t have to talk Pop-pop off though, yeah?

Certainly not the best night of TV in the world, but what else are you gonna do today? It’s not like the movies are seriously trying to get people to come to them. The Love Guru, Get Smart, and Kit Kittredge: An American Girl are your options there, and really, those aren’t any kind of options at all are they? (pssst - the answer is no!)

Thank God for TV Club. And if you haven’t started your own TV Club yet, you can still play along at home by watching reruns of the first 3 episodes of Venture Bros season 3 alone. If you aren’t on this train yet, you’re missing a hell of a train. Go, what are you waiting for? Get on that train!

Well that’s a lot of extra special stuff you got in this weeks all new, all amazing Late Night Thing. A couple of videos to watch, a breakdown of all things Venture Bros., and even a compendium of why Ann Curry (and Jewel!) are both awful, awful human beings. That’s a lot of bang for your buck, and considering the boys here at LNT HQ are slaving away at this each and every week for free, that’s even MORE bangworthy. You know, kinda like the opposite of this one’s face.

Celebutards, what would LNT do without you? What indeed…

LNT ARCHIVES