35th Week

We’re going to have to make some changes soon at LNT. This Tuesday NBC is supposed to release the changeover timeline. Some guy from a newspaper (it’s paper with ink on it that people got delivered to their doorsteps by other people when we all lived in caves) said this is what we’re going to see:

Autumn 2008: Jimmy Fallon starts Web-only talk show.
February 2009: Conan O’Brien ceases hosting “Late Night.”
March 2009: Fallon begins hosting “Late Night.”
June 2009: Jay Leno ceases hosting “Tonight.”

O’Brien takes over “Tonight” subsequent to Leno’s departure.

For us, this poses a bit of a problem. We ignore plenty of stupid talk shows. If we had to watch The Chelsea Handler Show every week, we wouldn’t do this anymore. However, can we consciously continue to ignore those stupid talk shows while covering a (presumably) bad web talk show? Probably, we can. However, do we want to? We watched Conan from day 1, and he was shaky. However, television didn’t have a lot going during the early 90s. Try to watch anything from that era now. Sure, The Simpsons episodes still hold up, and The Cosby Show often gets it done, and we can’t forget the charming bedside manner of Roseanne Barr, but that’s about it. Now, we have lots of great stuff and millions of channels, not to mention the tubes. Great entertainment is everywhere.

So how do we let lil’ Jimmy Fallon grow? Do we ignore him until he’s got his sealegs? We don’t want to be constantly complaining about him, but that doesn’t seem right either. We suppose we could treat him like Jay and only really mention him when his guests are particularly stellar, but we want Fallon to be good, so we don’t want to treat him like Jay. There really isn’t any way to win here, but never fear we’ll figure something out, we always do.

We would like to mention that if this timeline is correct, Conan is going to have six months with nothing to do. He’s going to be a house on fire on Martha and Regis and Kelly and everything else. That’s going to be fun at least.

Anyways, Conan’s in reruns this week, but everybody else is bringing it, so follow us as we lead you through the working week, one late night talk show at a time.

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Kyra Sedgwick, Chris Matthews, Alanis Morissette
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Will Ferrell, a demonstration by MythBusters
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Patricia Heaton, Katt Williams, Thrice
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Aisha Tyler, Jarod Miller, Keaton Simons
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Angie Harmon, Adam Perry Lang, Def Leppard

STEPHAN: Good night tonight, everybody. Aisha Tyler into Jarod Miller makes for a great Craiggers. Before that Dave has the goods. Will Ferrell promoting the first good movie he’s made since Stranger Than Fiction and then a demonstration by MythBusters. Sure, the Mythbusters aren’t scientists, and wouldn’t recognize the scientific method if they saw it (well, Grant might), but they blow stuff up, and they’re forcing people to at least pretend to think rationally. (The good people at xkcd already said this much better than I ever could.) Plus, Dave is going to be like a little kid, and that’s going to be awesome.

ERECH: Conan’s on reruns all week, so I can say with quite bit of authority (since I’ve already seen it!) that the Katt Williams segment is really funny. Also, Patty Heaton has fake knockers, so all in all, that’s not a bad rerun.

I know how hard it is for most of our readers to sit through a full episode of Leno (because I actually read all my fanmail, unlike some OTHER sites I won’t name…), so I am going to assume most of you missed this. Sure, it was funny, and spur of the moment, and I even laughed. But to put so much stock in it as the media has the last week or so is kinda pushing things. By the same token, does that mean every time Conan makes fun of GE that he wants off of NBC? And think of all the names Dave has called Les Moonves on the air, not to mention Dave almost nightly takes a dump on his network in some gag or side, and he sure ain’t going anywhere either. That said, just because ABC makes the most sense for Leno to all of us, doesn’t mean we have even an inkling of what will actually happen. After all, if there is anything you can be sure of with the speculative capabilities of the major media outlets, is that they are almost always wrong. Oh and btw, Leno’s show sucks tonight so skip it.

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Gillian Anderson, Dave Attell, the Duke Spirit
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Amanda Peet, Jon Hamm, Augustana
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Jason Lee, Eva Amurri, Galactic
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Julie Chen, Adam Scott, Ricky Skaggs
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - George Foreman, Alanis Morissette

ERECH: Jay’s show MIGHT not suck tonight though. Scully looks better than ever, and even though she is out promoting one of the worst movies of the summer (oh like anyone thought Eddie Murphy was going to get to keep that title to himself?!) she’ll still be a great guest, and it’s a rare treat when she sits down on a couch and chats. Dave Attell has a new album coming out or something, or maybe he’s hosting some remake game show on that weird cable channel, the Hedgehog Network I think it’s called. Either way, Dave’s funny so that’s 2 in a row for Jay, can we make it 3? OOOOH and we did. the Duke Spirit is a great little band, and it’ll be weird to see a good musical guest on Leno, who tends to skew more towards LA hillbillies with glittery shirts on, to straight up cockrock. Leno’s talent coordinator got it done tonight though, so yay.

I kept forgetting to watch Kimmel last week to see if he himself would make any jokes about his split from that jewish girl, but then I realized I’d have to actually watch Kimmel to find out, so I didn’t. I’m going to break rank from all the internet hipsters though and say I was actually kinda sad to hear that news, which seems to be far from the feelings I get from the message board nerds who think they now have a shot at at some of that sweet kosher stuff - you know what stuff they’re talking about too. I myself however always thought the two of them made a great couple, and would many a time daydream of the day when I would become famous and move to LA, and then get invited over to their house for a friendly BBQ. Jimmy, Corolla and I’d all be taking shot after shot of beer while we played century, meanwhile Silverman would have some of her awesome friends over like Doug Benson or Steve Agee, or even maybe her awesome sister too SIGH. That dream is shattered now though, forever lost to me. Plus, it’s a sad thing when two people in love split, so have a heart you internet bastards. Sheesh.

STEPHAN: Eva Amurri is not that chick from the last James Bond movie. I don’t remember who she is, but she’s not that lady. Amanda Peet was also not in the last James Bond movie, but she did get topless in that Bruce Willis is friends with that guy from Friends movie. Also, Dave loves her, and if you enjoy flirting, Letterman is the place to be tonight.

As to the Kimmel-Silverman split, Erech’s totally right, have a heart. It’s always nice when two people you like get together. It’s like when two friends get together, except that instead of losing two friends (to each other), you only don’t have to meet anybody new. I think we can all get behind that sentiment. Strangers are awful. They talk at the movies, but they never say anything funny. They don’t buy me drinks, but if they have boobs they expect me to buy them drinks. Not having to meet new people is the greatest gift your friends can give you. Now that dream is dead, and I’m forced to write incoherently about it. Boo!

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Kevin Costner, D.L. Hughley, the Time
• The Late Show with David Letterman - John C. Reilly, Jane Mayer, Grizzly Bear
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Liam Neeson, BJ Novack, the Duke Spirit
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Val Kilmer, survivalist Les Stroud, Curt Smith
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Paul Giamatti, Mitch Rouse, Los Lonely Boys

STEPHAN: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is such a great movie. Val Kilmer won America for life with his portrayal of Doc Holliday, but he’s equally great as Gay Perry. Speaking of movies people didn’t see but were awesome, John C. Reilly is great, great, GREAT in Walk Hard. Somehow that movie is the only Judd Apatow vehicle to fail at the box office even though they actually tried on this one. It has sets and songs and things that were probably written in advance and everything. It’s as stupid as any of his other movies, but it’s also just as funny. I guess what I’m trying to say is enjoy some CBS this week.

ERECH: Now this is the problem with late night. On paper this is a strong showing, you have a ton of big name stars out there, mixed in with smaller names and even a few comedians as well. And yet, I’ll be hard pressed to watch ANY of this tonight, because I just don’t give a crap about anything they are selling right now. I can’t stand to watch celebs having to lie when promoting their product, well, I guess that makes me a liar because sometimes that’s great. What is worse though, is watching hosts lie too - Conan said Meet Dave was funny, and we all know that wasn’t true - how dare he!

So, as with many nights, it looks like it’s gonna be me into Dave into a bottle of Tylenol PM. Worldwide Pants ftw.

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Kelsey Grammer, Hugh Rowland and Drew Sherwood, Gavin McGraw
• The Late Show with David Letterman - David Duchovny, Black Kids
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Emile Hirsch, Terrell Owens, Craig Baldo
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Amanda Peet, Lance Morrow
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Mel B, Does It Offend You Yeah?

ERECH: I actually got an angry email from a reader the first time this episode of Conan aired, when I had made fun of Emile Hirsch. Not only did I insinuate that Emily was a girl (I think he’s not, but I’m still not 100% convinced) but also that he was was the illegitimate daughter of Taxi’s own Judd Hirsch. Again, still not convinced that isn’t true, either. I’d post the email in it’s entirety right now, that is if I still had it. Basically the sum of it was that Sean Penn had been reading our site, or at least someone channeling Mr. Penn via the tubes, and I got one of those “he’s one of our finest actors” lines, which of course had to have been some kind of prank, right? Speed Racer? Anyways, I’ve got nothing clever to say about tonight’s rerun of Conan past that, although I seem to recall Baldo had a pretty good set, so watch the last 10 if you’re up.

Dave’s got a decent line-up, but again, f&$k the new X-Files movie - you guys took enough of my life in the 90’s with your go-nowhere story, and I’m not falling for it again. NO. That said, Dutchoveny is a fun guest for a show, probably doubly so for when he’s on Dave. Also, I’m not sure if I like Black Kids or not (the BAND, not the race of people - we already are well aware of my feelings on THAT subject I’m sure…). They’re kinda weird and cool, and catchy, but also they’re just kinda weird and annoying too. I might make my final judgement on the subject tonight - PREPARE TO BE JUDGED BLACK KIDS!

STEPHAN: Why is there a new X-Files movie? We have Lost now. That show has problems, sure, but it’s everything the X-Files told us it was and then never delivered on. We already have the good X-Files, knock it off Fox, you’ve got our money, and you stole our time. As great as David Duchovney is and he is great, (though not great enough for me to spell his name correctly), we don’t need it, and we certainly don’t want it.

The first half of Yimmy is going to be dynamite tonight. Will Ferrell is a good talk show guest, and John C. Reilly is good always. Together, and with no Nascar nonsense, they’re even better.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Kevin Spacey, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Jesse McCartney
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Nathan Lane, Larry “Bubbles” Brown, Randy Bachman
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Seth Meyers, Becki Newton, Tokio Hotel
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Xzibit, Griffin House
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Seth Green, Jesse Ventura, Jamie Lidell

STEPHAN: I’m glad Jesse Ventura isn’t my governor/senate representative, but I’m glad he’s doing stuff. He may not be fun to be around, but he’s right about a lot of things. Enough things to vote for? I’m not sure. He’s like Ralph Nader. He should be allowed to continue talking, but maybe he shouldn’t be negotiating policy or anything.

This isn’t going to make any sense, but I still feel the need to share (LNT is still better than most of the blogs you read). Ricky Gervais and team recently did a podcast for the new NME radio station. I, and every one else on Earth older than 14, do not care about NME magazine at all, and the NME radio station any different. However, every time they said NME all I heard was Xzibit growling about beating, stabbing, and killing his enemies (he also refuses to let you drain his energy). That’s his word now, he said it better than anybody, and now no one else can use it without conjuring up XtotheZ. Sorry.

ERECH: Wow, is it Friday already? Well what do we have then? Dave looks like mostly a passer, although Larry Brown is pretty funny so if he’s doing a set I’d watch that. Nathan Lane is about as bad as talk show guests get though, so it may not be worth it to sit through any of that at all.

Craiggers has the XtotheZ on, who seems to have a pretty big role in the steaming pile that is X-Files 2. I love Xzibit as a rapper and a funnyman (he once did a solid 8 minutes at Largo, there’s a bootleg floating around myspleen if you don’t believe me), but his acting roles are always, ALWAYS, the worst parts of what are usually already pretty bad movies - XXX2 anyone? Good for Alvin for taking the paycheck role though, and hey, maybe he doesn’t fully suck in it too. Maybe. What he definitely won’t suck in is yacking it up with Craiggers, this is gonna be a fun interview so watch the scot.

Kimmel is risking an attack by a battalion of Sentinels tonight, what with this all-mutant lineup he’s pushing. I can take or leave Green, but Ventura and Lidell are both trainwrecks. Buyer beware.

Finally, Triumph won’t be able to not say inappropriate things about Conan taking over the Tonight Show tonight on Leno, so I’m definitely going to watch that. Plus, Kevin Spacey is a nice chap, and a good talker, so I guess I’m going Jay into Craiggers, then passing out tonight. TEE GEE EYE EFF, yeah?

And that’s one more week of LNT in the crapper. Did you wipe afterwards?

Summer is gearing up to get really awful here on out, at least as far as entertainment goes. Nobody at LNT HQ has any more plans to see any more movies after the Dark Knight, at least not until nearly Xmas time. That’s almost 5 months, can you believe Hollywood is that bankrupt?

Of course, TV is coming back soon, some sooner than others. Fox is gearing up to show us the dark underside of its fall lineup soon - Prison Break, Dr. Monkeytown, and of course who can forget about Fringe - the new awful show from that guy who created Alias yet still somehow is able to get work. CBS doesn’t have much going for itself this fall either, sans the oddly titled The Mentalist (no, we won’t watch, but we appreciate the lack of foresight it took to actually use that title) and ABC hasn’t been very watchable since they cancelled Cupid way back when - yes, we’re still bitter, LNT loves it some Piven!

NBC looks to be the worst of the bunch though, despite the fact they have maybe 3 extremely watchable shows, there are so many more wrong things on that network and even more wrong stuff coming too. Do you like Heroes? Well I hope so, because get ready to have spinoff after spinoff (and badly done ones at that) stuffed down your throat for the next year. The old NBC credo of “take something good and overexpose it until nobody likes it anymore” plan is in full effect, hopefully all you people who voted for Nathan Petrelli are bracing yourselves for it. Oh, and that abortion of a mini-movie, Knight Rider, well it’s getting the series treatment after all. That’s right, a made-for-tv movie that flopped still gets to have its own show - I guess NBC really wants to get their money’s worth out of that car, or at least all the money they paid Val Kilmer to be the voice of it. Coupled with a bunch more bad reality shows (AMERICA LOVES PEANUT BUTTER, followed of course by FETUS FOR A DAY!), it’s like NBC deliberately tries to be in last place, you know, on purpose.

So yeah, things are going to be rough. We mean really rough. LNT’ll be here though, on the front of the lines, standing tall and reminding you all what’s good, and why. Because with this much bad stuff coming soon, it’s gonna be hard to remember what anything was like before that.

LNT - never forget. Never.

LNT ARCHIVES