2.14

Late Night Television is taking the week off, and so we’re only doing a skeleton LNT this week. In honor of that, let’s talk about something not even remotely television related, terrestrial radio. As some of you may have heard, the Adam Carolla Radio show was summarily canceled as KLSX decided to switch from hot talk to hot Top 40 hits (obviously the LA area needed more of that). This is obviously a bummer to those of us who had four hours to kill at work every day, and couldn’t think of a better way to do it than listening to Adam and Dana Gould turn Huell Howser into a serial rapist, or hear Adam pitch Pedif Isle to any celebrity that came into the studio, or even Bald Bryan mercilessly beating Doug Benson, Adam and T at Totally Topical Tivo Trivia. It’s only been a day and some of us are already stircrazy. One of the LNT staff members spent two hours trying to determine if that lump was a tumor, or was just part of the skull that was already there. Not good times. How are we going to make it through the day without someone yelling at us about left turn lane red arrows or ranchero music? We already worked our way through the Best Show archives. We need some way to make it through the day. Help us stay sane.

Incidentally, we already know about Adam’s podcast, so we don’t need that suggestion, but thanks anyways. Oh, our review? Well, the first one was a little rough, but that’s to be expected. It’s hard to do radio by yourself. Even the great Tom Scharpling has callers, AP Mike, and the occasional guest to help him through. It’s going to be good though, we can feel it. Now on to the shows (remember all week repeats, next week is Fallon):

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Mickey Rourke, Toni Collette, John Legend
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Kate Winslet, Marv Albert
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Josh Brolin, Shaun Ellis & Helen Jeffs, Nikka Costa
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Trace Adkins, Perez Hilton
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - The Jonas Brothers, Darius Rucker
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Kat Von D, Ben Kronberg, LMFAO

STEPHAN: I don’t normally complain about teen stars because, well, who cares about teen stars, but the Jonas Brothers were recently on SNL. Those kids are awful. They can’t sing, they don’t seem to be able to play their instruments (their guitars were not in the soundmix we heard on SNL anyways), and they weren’t good in the sketches either. At least Nsync could dance around and some of them could sing. The Jonas Brothers have nothing. NOTHING! Knock it off America. It’s grownup time. It’s time to stop regressing. Cut these clowns loose, and have them bring Miley Cyrus with them. Yeesh.

ERECH: Since all the talkies felt like showing up with their B-game after the Oscars, I’m gonna do the same. It’s rerun LNT time, as I’m just going to cut & paste as best I can my thoughts on all these previous shows from past columns. It’s probably not going to make much sense or be very cohesive, but so what? So. What?

It’s pretty lady night on the talkies - Toni Collette to Salma to Rosario - and that David Cook’s not hard on the eyes either. Personally, I am probably going to go with the peacock tonight, Leno has Mickey Rourke on - and I just watched The Wrestler last night. Hoo boy was that the most depressing movie you have ever seen in your whole damn life or what?! AP Mike might have to put Stroszek on the shelf for awhile and give this Aronofsky gem its due. Seriously, was there anything in that movie even remotely not suicide-inducing? Even seeing the especially-fit Marisa Tomei naked a bunch didn’t help, because she just played a burnt out stripper without a heart of gold. DE-PRESS-INNNNNG!

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Drew Barrymore, Serena Williams, will.i.am
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Ben Roethlisberger, Steve Martin
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Tina Fey, Peter Sarsgaard, the Black Crowes
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Michael Clarke Duncan, Richard Zoglin, Adele
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Don Rickles, Ben Sollee
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Matt Ryan, Ida Maria

ERECH: Tina Fey into Peter Sarsgaard on Conan is the most winniningest win episode of The Adventures of Conezone I have seen in awhile. Like a really long while. If I have access to a tv this night, I am definitely tuning in.

Also, Rickles on Kimmel is always a treat.

STEPHAN: Speaking of SNL, was there anything more awful than that banjo song Steve Martin played? It’d be one thing if Chevy Chase or Jim Breuer showed up to do something like that, we don’t expect anything from those people, but Steve Martin used to be a comedy institution. I guess it’s better to die early than to burn out or fade away.

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Jennifer Aniston, Santonio Holmes, Jamey Johnson
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Renee Zellweger, Tony Dungy
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Seth Green, Artie Lange, Conor Oberst
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Wanda Sykes, Glasvegas
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Rob Lowe, Khloe Kardashian, Living Things
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Steve Knopper, Company of Thieves

STEPHAN: Ugh.

ERECH: There’s nothing for me to cut & paste into for tonight, because I didn’t want to watch any of these episodes the first time they aired either. Conan is looking the best on paper, but Renee Zellweger is just crazy enough to be entertaining when Dave gets ahold of her, so who knows.

Instead of me saying funny stuff, why don’t you guys just watch this instead (I almost cried, for real):

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Marissa Tomei, Gray Stafford, Ty Barnett
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Joaquin Phoenix, Bar Refaeli, Anthony Hamilton
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Paul Rudd, John Stamos, Boz Scaggs
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Tom Selleck, Glen Campbell
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Calista Flockhart, John Michael Higgins, Nick DiPaolo
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Kevin Hart, Yelle

ERECH: I just watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade over the weekend, and got to thinking about the Phoenix family. Naturally my thoughts drifted to the wackiness of Joaquin, and all his business lately. I got irritated the longer I thought about him, as he’s not a great actor, and now that he’s running about doing his worst Zatch Gallifinakris impersonation, I like him less. Can’t we just cut these guys loose? Hopefully he has something funny or clever to say tonight on Letterman though, otherwise I’m pulling the plug for good. THE PLUG I SAYS!

The Scot is nothing to sneeze at tonight either though, as I’m an unapologetic Tom Selleck fan. Big time, BIIIIG TIME. I still own Runaway on Laserdisc just in case the format decides to come back! BIG TIME!

(Wow, this week’s column is so easy to write. Every week should be rerun week!)

STEPHAN: Some friends of mine are playing the Jimmy Fallon rehearsal show tonight. God willing, we’ll have some video of that. Oh, and if you’re in NYC proper, they’ll be playing at Bar 9 (Bar Nine 807 9th Ave, New York City, New York 10019) at 10 of the clock.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Jimmy Fallon, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Lee Ann Womack
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Clint Eastwood, Randy Rogers Band
• Late Night with Conan O’Brien - Hugh Laurie, Joel McHale, Gaslight Anthem
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Rosie O’Donnell, the Knux
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - After the Academy Awards Special with Mel Gibson, Robin Thicke
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Daniel Suarez, Jeff Dunham, Razorlight

STEPHAN: Why isn’t Kimmel in HD? ABC spent all that money on those crystal curtains at the Oscars, but couldn’t come up with a handful of extra HD cameras for Kimmel? He was right across the street!!! They might as well have led off the post-Oscars show by letting us know the lunch menu for the week (because it’s a high school television station). Boo!

ERECH: I don’t have anything to cut & paste about tonight’s guests (again, didn’t wanna watch em first time around), so instead I will cut & paste comments from users on the Friends of Tom messageboard regarding their thoughts on Jeff Dunham. Enjoy!

“jeff dunham is the opposite of everything i find funny.”

“Thanks to Matthew Perpetua, I didn’t get the chance to marvel at how inexplicable it is that this man is ultra-famous, especially something like 15 years after MST3K were making jokes about his schtick. He is basically Larry the Puppet Guy.”

“I didn’t know about this guy until today, and I already hate him with the passion of a thousand fires.(?)”

“Jeff Dunham making his own puppets is like Gallagher growing his own watermelons. This guy is awful.”

There you go Dunham, “up yours” says the internets!

And there YOU go internets, Late Night Thing says “up yours’ too!

The final Conan has come and gone, Jimmy Fallon is starting next week, and the Oscars are over too. Exciting times are ahead! Jay is going to start wrapping up his tenure on The Tonight Show, and we still have sweeps starting up next week on the teevee’s too. Good time to be a couch potato, says us.

Let’s see what you guys say though, as those heroes of LNT reach into their mailbox and answer reader mail!

Allan in Parsippany wrote:

late night “thing”
you guys forgot to talk about the kimmel oscar party show last week, how come? its was great, and had MEL (profanity edited out by Late Night Thing) GIBSON!!! ya blew it!

Thanks a lot, foulmouth. Yes, LNT forgot to mention Jimmy’s oscar show, you’re right. Way to go. Congrats. KUDOS! Maybe if we cared about the Oscars at all this year, we would have remembered. So there you go, blame Hollywood. Besides, it’s already being rerun on Friday, and yes we watched it, so enjoy Mel Gibson being completely uncomfortable (and the Colonel Sanders trailer too), jerks.

LNT - why do we even bother?

LNT ARCHIVES