Week 71 or something something.

Now that sweeps is upon us, we’re going to be inundated with reality stars and reality show cast-offs on our beloved talkies, and you’re going to need something else to get you through. Of course we’ve got some thoughts about this.

40 games in 40 nights is on! Good times. Who cares if we get lackluster guests week after week on the talkies when we get Charles, Ernie, and Kenny four days a week? We sure don’t. And let’s not forget our pals Chris Webber and The Glove over on NBA TV. Them boys is killing it. Somehow the NBA has worked out how to ensure consistently great announcers and talking heads while every other sport trots out Chris Berman, Joe Morgan, and Tim McCarver (and force us to trot out our mute buttons). But, what good is a show being great at covering basketball if you don’t like basketball? Well, that’s the magic of these two shows. Even if you don’t like basketball, you’ve got a friend in Tuesday Night Fan Night on NBA TV and Inside the NBA on TNT. Especially if there were a bad spate of games. Sir Charles bores easily and if he’s not excited by the day’s action, the show quickly devolves into non-sports related arenas. Even when the games are good, the show devolves into pranks and smack talk. Payton and Webber (along with host Ahmad Rashad) have taken a page from the Inside the NBA guys and made a show that’s informative, but more importantly entertaining, and now for the next month we have actual television options during the night (so we’re not forced to watch Daisy of Love). Please take advantage of it. Just pretend it’s a reality show, we guarantee it’s more entertaining than watching that blowhard Trump pretend to be a business genius.

Inside the NBA is on every night TNT has a game (Saturday-Thursday for the next week at least) and Payton and Webber are a part of Fan Night most nights on NBA TV. Don’t worry, we will keep going through the talkies, but scroll on down and see why we’re turning to the NBA to save us:

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Eric Bana, Marjorie Johnson, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Matthew Fox, Carol Leifer, the All-American Rejects
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Regis Philbin, Kat Von D, Jon Glaser, Morrissey
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Shirley Manson, Breckin Meyer
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Zac Efron, Patti Stanger, Franz Ferdinand
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Sprague Grayden, the Pains of Being Pure at Heart

STEPHAN: I can’t decide if Ferguson is going to be amazing or boring tonight. Sure, he and Shirley Manson can have an accent-off, but how long can that last? In a perfect world, she’d pull a Billy Bob and only talk about her role on Terminator and get really offended when Garbage gets brought up. She doesn’t seem the sort to start that type of nonsense though. Breckin Meyer either. Does that make either worth watching? I guess only if you really can’t sleep.

ERECH: Jimmy2 and Carson are on reruns this week. With Carson, nobody will notice. GigglyJames though puts a dent into my television watching schedule. And even though I know this isn’t a popular opinion, I’m really digging Late Night since Fallon took over. Sure, there have been some rough spots, but it’s early. I dare anyone to watch last Wednesday’s episode and not think it’s as good as anything else at night lately:

Also, The Legendary Roots Crew as his house band? Again, I get I’m in the minority here, but that is a huge draw for me. Every time I think about it, I shake my head at the logistics of it - Jimmy Fallon has one of like the top 5 rappers alive just chilling there all the time. I’d tune in just to watch the Roots as musical guest, but you got them there for skits and stuff too? That’s just neat.

Finally, LNT would like to welcome Jay Leno back to work, after falling ill and missing a few days last week. Sure, we give the guy a hard time, usually deservedly so, but we don’t want him to die or nothing - because then Leslie Moonvest would squelch on our bet. Welcome Back Jay, now go out and do your worst!

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Michael Douglas, Chelsea Handler, Country Bones
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Dolly Parton, Zachary Quinto
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Jason Segel, the Amazing Kreskin, Dan Rollman & Corey Henderson
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - John McEnroe, Stana Katic
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Michael J. Fox, the latest castoff from “Dancing With the Stars”, Asher Roth
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Masi Oka, the Duke Spirit

ERECH: Dolly Parton’s a great, funny gal. That’s right, I said gal. Her and Dave are going to be just plain funny tv, definitely the winner of tonight. Also old lady boobies jokes!

Speaking of great gals, Stana Katic (the only good thing in Frank Miller’s The Spirit) is one of them too. Her and Craiggers should have some good talk for us. And if not, Stana is pretty enough that it won’t matter, and then we can just stare at her while her mouth moves. Also amazonian lady boobies jokes!

Finally, Asher Roth is on Yimmy tonight. I think his new album comes out tomorrow, or maybe it’s already out. I dunno. Which brings me to this point, I’m not really sure I like him. Well, to be fair, I don’t actually. I feel like I almost should though. He’s generally been called something along the lines of “a thinking man’s Eminem” - which should be quite thoughtful then because that Marshall Mathers ain’t no dummy on the mic. From my take on Asher though, he should maybe just be called “a boring man’s Eminem”, because I couldn’t think of anything more cleverer to call him. He’s just… boring. Hooks aren’t anything special. He raps about Abercrombie & Fitch topics, like hanging out in malls and going to house parties. His whole demeanor and style just feels like it’s on vicodin. Sure, with his first album those type of songs makes sense for the vibe he was presenting, but now the guy is pretty famous, been around the world, had new experiences, and the most we get off this new album is “Hey guys, I’m not really like Eminem!”?? Even the song with Cee-Lo made me want to take a nap. What’s the point of all this? I dunno, I just felt like talking shit about this cracker is all. The end!

STEPHAN: Asher Roth is awful. Awful. Don’t let that stop you from enjoying Michael J. Fox making the talking show rounds, however. He’s selling some book he wrote about the last ten years of his life, but beyond that he’s been a great talk show guest. He was even good on Regis. But don’t let yourself get hypnotized by his shaking limbs so you get stuck watching Roth. You’ll hate yourself if you do.

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Jimmy Fallon, Chris Matthews, Zac Brown Band
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Jennifer Garner, Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk, Manchester Orchestra
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Glenn Close, Kristen Wiig, Gomez
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Kenneth Branagh, Antony and the Johnsons
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Dominic Monaghan, J.J. Abrams, Bang Camaro
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Jack & Kelly Osbourne, Ben Harper & Relentless7

STEPHAN: I have to admit that I am excited to hear Jennifer Garner try to defend her newest abortion of a romantic comedy to Dave. I know she’s easy on the eyes and all, but there’s no way Dave is going to let her get away with making that thing without some scorn. Plus, after Garner, the CEO of Tesla Motors is going to be on showing off his fancy electric sports car. Mixing cars and the destruction of the environment is a great opportunity for Dave to get on his high, alarmist horse, and I will happily be on board.

ERECH: Hmm, tonight is a rough one, a few ok spots but nothing great. Kimmel has the most on the paper goodness, with the Lost/Wolverine/Star Trek themed thing going on here.

Hmm, not much else going on tonight though, I can’t even pretend I’m going to be watching any of it. Sorry LNT-ites.

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Matthew McConaughey, Earvin “Magic” Johnson, Starsailor
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Regis Philbin, a performance by the Broadway cast of “Hair”
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Tina Fey, Jon Bon Jovi, Santigold
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Michael Douglas, Carrie Ann Inaba
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Brooke Shields, Balthazar Getty, Kumail Nanjiani
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Cameron Richardson, Eric Price, Adele

ERECH: Regis Philbin needs to do this interview with Dave dressed as Shrek. That’s all I’ve got to say about tonight.

STEPHAN: I just spent a full half hour trying to figure out why I thought I knew who Carrie Ann Inaba was. I still have no idea. The only thing she’s been in that I’ve seen is Showgirls and since she wasn’t seizing while faking orgasm like that Saved by the Bell girl I don’t remember her from there at all. I guess dancing celebrities are so ingrained in our culture that even someone who has never seen the show still recognizes the names of people tangentially(?) related to the show. Anyways, other than Regis and Dave, there’s not a lot going on tonight.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Arsenio Hall, Ziggy Marley
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Kiefer Sutherland, Jim Norton, Bat for Lashes
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Lauren Graham, Judah Friedlander, Cold War Kids
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Henry Winkler, Ricky Hatton
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Matthew McConaughey, Kara DioGuardi, Jason Aldean
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Mr. Brainwash, the Duke Spirit

STEPHAN: Summer season is starting early, huh? This has been a pretty lackluster week. Tonight the only thing to really recommend is a rerun. Well, maybe Jim Norton will get to be funny, but he’s really at his best in a non-censored arena anyways.

ERECH: I’m never going to be ok with Arsenio and Jay being friends - not after the way things went down in the 90s - oh how the mighty have fallen. Jimmy2 has a good rerun that I will more than likely be watching, while I’m switching back and forth to see The Fonz on the Scot. Hmm, that’s about it.

Not a very good week of guests, but next week will be much better. Norm MacDonald, Adam Sandler and Nathan Fillion all promise it - yay!

And until we all wake up from our weekend coma, Late Night Thing says farewell!

In preparation for all the much better guests we getting next week (sorry Mikey Douglas), here are some awesome clips from previous appearances to whet your appetites!

NORM!

SANDMAN!

FILLION!

…

Ok, we couldn’t find any good clips of Nathan Fillion, because there aren’t any. He’s not a great actor, kind of a snooze, and really not as popular as the internets would have you believe. Also, Erech finally saw Serenity this weekend, and eww boy, really? But Late Night Thing is a column on the tubes, and our demographic would rip us to shreds if we didn’t pretend to like all things Whedon, so yeah, Yay Nathan! or something.*

LNT - We know which side our bread is buttered on!

LNT ARCHIVES

*Seriously, how does the premise of Castle work as a series? The guy is following along the cops as research for a book he’s writing or a role in a movie or whatever, how long can they keep having Fillion’s character getting into crazy dangerous hijinx that Stana Katic has to keep coming to save him from?? Get it together ABC.