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Posted by Stephan & Erech on May 4, 2009 ⋅

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Week Eleventy Billion!

Important Programming Note
THE Norm Macdonald will be on Letterman Thursday, May 7th. Set your Tivos!

To celebrate, we’re not even going to write an introduction. Instead, we’ve spent the past three days scouring the tubes for Norm clips we haven’t already linked to on this site. That dude has been off the GD grid lately and there’s not much we haven’t already pointed you towards. But, the paucity of Norm is being filled in by his every radio appearance (and really even the mention of His Name) being archived on the Youtubes. Radio isn’t dead. Hooray!

Today let’s focus on Norm’s epic March 5, 2008 appearance on the (now-defunct) Adam Carolla Show. In the midst of being ridiculed for telling a rather ribald story about mowing the lawn, Norm mentions his proclivities for gambling and a quick Kenny Rogers’ ref later, Norm and the gang are dissecting Kenny Rogers’ amazingly disturbing songs Ruby Don’t Take Your Love to Town and Coward of the County. For those of you who haven’t spent your lives listening to Kenny Rogers foray into the Country and Western (and frankly, why would you have?), Wikipedia tells us Ruby “is about a disabled, dying veteran of “that old crazy Asian war” (the Korean War), who begs his lover not to cheat on him.” Coward is an equally delightful romp about a young man whose dad taught him not to fight having to take a stand when his girlfriend is GANG RAPED. Good times!

Oh, we guess there are other guests and shows on this week, so scroll on down as we dig through the Late Night muck to find those little nuggets of entertainment gold:

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Anderson Cooper, Kathleen Madigan, Eli Young Band
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Gordon Ramsay, Chris Pine, Keri Hilson with Kanye West
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Jennifer Aniston, Donald Faison, Adele
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Stana Katic
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Justin Timberlake, Eliza Coupe, the Whip
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Liz Hatch, Kevin Hart, Lykke Li

STEPHAN: That Donald Faison/Mos Def movie looks all right. Like, it doesn’t look like a good movie, but I like that cast, and it’s going to be super watchable at 1AM on TNT in nine months. Anyways, Donald Faison is a great talk show guest and will be excellent on Jimmy2. Of course, he’s up against whatever Stana Katic is on Ferguson. Actor or band, that’s a great name, and I support great names. Although if that Lakers/Rockets game goes long it won’t matter because I’ll be busy watching Inside the NBA anyways. You West Coasters should enjoy anyways.

ERECH: Dave has a weird show tonight, and the likelihood of him calling Gordon Ramsay a cretin or a goon at some point in the interview is very high. And in the B-slot, we have some kid off’a one of them WB shows or something, who’s now playing Capt. Jimmy Kirk in a Livejournal production of Star Wars.

I’ve predicted, and gone so far as to make a personal bet putting my money where my mouth is, that Star Trek is going to pull in more than 150 million this weekend. Further, I think it will knock Wolverine’s second weekend returns down something like 70%, thus ensuring the floptitude of the tale of Logan (SNIKT SNIKT).

I could totally be wrong here, and off my rocker, but I’m feeling good about my numbers. There are a lot of Trekkies out there clamoring for something new. There are a lot of nerds out there who like movies with spaceships and things blowing up. Lost brings in something like 10-13 million viewers every week, and they all loves them some JJ Abrams convoluted nonsense. I dunno, in my heart I think it could do more than 150, but I think that’s a nice conservative number to settle on. Of course I think the movie looks like crap and will not be adding to the tallies. But damnit America, so I can win $5, you need to go out there and make this happen!

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Howie Mandel, Alec Greven, Robert Randolph & the Clark Sisters
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Liev Schreiber, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Franz Ferdinand
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - J.J. Abrams, Colin Quinn, Yusuf Islam
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - George Hamilton, Jenny Lewis
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Zachary Quinto, the latest castoff from “Dancing With the Stars”
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Lily Allen

ERECH: Liev Schreiber and Huge Ackman are oddly doing the talkie rounds this week (instead of last), in spin control to try and bring the numbers up for Wolverine. Sure, it did 87 million domestic for its opener, but considering it should have made 130 (and production budget was over 150 million) it sort of puts it all into perspective. Further, bad word of mouth, the leaked copy from last month (which is almost frame for frame the same movie in theaters and only missing about 40% of the digital effects, despite what Fox claims), plus Star Trek (hello nerds) and Next Day Air (hello black people) opening this weekend too, doesn’t really bode well for Wolvie. A subpar movie that should have been better, but sadly had nothing to do with Jackman or Schreiber’s performances (can we pull a Lucas and go CGI Schreiber into the first X-men movie pls??). Plus I really liked Everything is Illuminated.

Sucks to be Fox right now I guess. (but you should still tune in to Dave!)

STEPHAN:

That’s all the X-Men talk I have in me. (Well, that and complaining about how Marvel is racist because there’s no Forge movie yet.)

Forge is Cheyenne! You can tell from his boots! That’s plenty to get a movie going!

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Tim Allen, John Cho, Van Morrison
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Bruce Willis, Ben Harper & Relentless7
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Amy Poehler, Diego Luna, Gael Garcia Bernal, the National
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Melina Kanakaredes, Nathan Fillion, Zac Brown Band
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - David Spade, Zoe Saldana, Black Eyed Peas
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Jimmy Fallon, Mistress Mary, Bobby Ray

STEPHAN: This is a primetime night of Late Night. Bruno on Dave? Sign me up! Captain Mal on Craiggers? Sign me up! (Craiggers harmlessly flirting with that minx Melina Kanakaredes doesn’t hurt either.) Carson Daly trying to pretend he doesn’t want to murder Fallon for taking “his” hosting job? Sign me up! And I haven’t even gotten to the murderers row Fallon has for himself tonight.

ERECH: Wow, what an amazing line-up over at Fallon. Seriously, that’s just impressive on paper, and how you should be doing it rest of late night television! Also, the National are a great, great band - if you don’t know now you do. This one’s a keeper folks!

And I know I shouldn’t, because he makes a bunch of really bad stuff, but damnit I like me some David Spade enough to tune into Kimmel tonight. The guy has probably earned himself a lifetime get out jail free card from me, and I’m not really sure why. I just likes him, damnit, I do.

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno -Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Norm MacDonald, Top Ten List w/ Leonard Nimoy, Animal Collective
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Martha Stewart, Mike Epps, Ben Harper & Relentless7
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Matthew McConaughey, Cokie Roberts
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Hugh Jackman, John Cho, Flo Rida
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Tim Roth, Miranda Kerr, Black Kids

ERECH: NORM! NORM! NORM! ON DAVE! We’re so excited for this down at the LNT offices, you have no idea. So excited we were going to even ask Norm if he had any funny stories planned for tonight on Twitter, only to find his account had been suspended due to suspicious activity. Wow, good to know Don Ohlmeyer still has some pull today, even if it’s only on Twitter. (ZING!)

That’s a pretty ok line-up for Carson, who almost looks like he might be doing real shows again. I’m not a fan of Roth’s Fox show Lie to me, but I know people like it. And Roth has done some cool stuff in the past, he’s no John Cho that’s for sure. Miranda Kerr has what is known in the alcohol circuit as “a nice pooper”, so that’s ok. And well, the Black Kids suck, but at least it’s not the usual L.A. garbage band from the last dive bar Carson went and had himself a vodka and Redbull he usually tries to pass of as musical act.

STEPHAN: As Erech mentioned, it’s Norm time, so who cares what else is happening. I sure don’t. Instead, I’m going to use this space for a mini-review of A.C. Newman’s newest album. It’s good. It’s really good. In fact, the only misstep is that version of “Like a Hitman, Like a Dancer” on Letterman is better than the album version (not just because you get to see Wurster dressed up like Canoe Reeves). Fortunately, I still have that episode saved on my Tivo and as soon as I figure out how to extract the audio, I’ll figure out a way to share that with y’all.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - Jamie Lee Curtis, Jonah Hill, Jewel
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Matthew Broderick, Brian Regan, Chris Cornell
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Joan Rivers, Rachael Ray
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Amy Smart, Kunal Nayyar
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Chris Pine, Aziz Ansari, Scott Weiland
• Last Call with Carson Daly - Matthew McConaughey, Kaley Cuoco, Ida Maria

STEPHAN: I really like Ida Maria’s album. I know it’s Carson, and you have to sit through America’s dumbest leading man and the “hot” chick from that nerd sitcom on CBS to get to her, but she really does have the goods.

ERECH: I’m in for Brian Regan, especially if he is going to be sitting and talking with Dave. Always a treat, those Regan boys.

And Kimmel has a good show on paper, I’ll be watching with remote in hand, ready to abort at a moments sign of weakness.

And with that, we’re done with another week of talk shows and talking about talk shows before they come on. Be sure to surf your way back on the world wide web to LNT next week for more of the same AND to find out if Erech is 5 dollars richer or not.

Speaking of more money, remember that bet that Leslie Moonvest (President of CBS TEEVEE) has going with the boys of Late Night Thing? He bet the boys $50,000 that his 14 hours of Police Montage Shows (PMS for you acronym buffs) stuff would destory Leno in the ratings next season. Stephan & Erech, who are masters of calling trends in television and movies, begged to differ. NBC, ready to get to work as Leno’s final weeks on The Tonight Show are coming, have released this teaser promo:

Sure, we’re as skeptical as anyone when the terms “Jay Leno” and “comedy” are used in the same sentence. However, we fully agree that CBS and ABC will not be able to compete with the powerhouse of this new show in terms of production costs vs viewers. Leno is going to produce on average 15 new episodes every month, in comparison to the 18-24 episodes competing shows will be able to produce in a whole season. Even if occasionally a CSI or Desperate Housewives manages to get good ratings with a first run eppie, odds are those numbers won’t maintain for reruns if Jay’s running all new stuff with someone like Obama on the couch.

Look, nobody has been as confused as us as to why Leno beat Dave in the ratings so consistently over the years, but he did. And now he’s going into a timeslot that allows mild-cursing, occasional buttock and side-boob shots, and freed of the burden of The Tonight Show and the family-friendly label (although who are we kidding there, Borat humped Martha Stewart in bed on The Tonight Show once…). Late Night Thing is telling you America, this show is going to do well, very well, and is probably going to change what networks put on the air from now on (genre series, we’re looking at you!). Like it or not, Leno is a force to be reckoned with, and we reckon CBS and ABC better reckonize!

LNT - We’re calling this one before it’s even started, kids.

LNT ARCHIVES