Another week! (of pulling teeth!)

Stupid summer. The theme this week is reruns and G.I. Joe: The Movie. You can’t name a single cast member of that movie (besides Quaid, but he’s nowhere to be seen this week), and neither can we. But don’t worry, they’re everywhere. C’mon, America, don’t we have real movies? Or at least real celebrities? We were ready to congratulate all you for not falling for that off-brand Saw nonsense, but we’re going to hold on til we see how the box office this week is. Sorry, we don’t trust you yet, but we don’t trust ourselves either. The odds that everyone at LNT HQ ends up seeing this stupid, stupid movie this weekend have been pulled. Not a good sign for our sanity.

Speaking of our sanity make sure you read the outro today. Big news in the LNTverse.

Monday:

• The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien - Ashton Kutcher, Charlyne Yi, Gomez
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Daniel Radcliffe, Veronika Part, Levon Helm, a Top Ten List presented by Bruno
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Marlon Wayans, Judd Apatow, Incubus
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Edie Falco, Les Stroud, Lisa Landry
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Seth Green, “Bachelorette” Jillian Harris, Zac Sunderland
• Last Call with Carson Daly - WHO CARES

STEPHAN: That Letterman rerun is good. Veronika Part is a ballerina or something, and you can actually see Dave turn into a little boy right in front of her. It’s amazing how that works. He’s 62 and one of the most powerful men in the MSM (just ask Sarah Palin), and yet a lithe 19 year old shows up and he’s immediately 16 and gawky again. For some indiscernible reason, Daniel Radcliffe doesn’t seem nearly as affected. Must be all the Englishness.

ERECH: Is it sad that I am absolutely going to see the GI Joe movie in theaters? My birthday is on Saturday, and I’m about as perfect as the target audience for that piece of crap as it comes. I mean, doesn’t that thing seem like something I would soooooo hate? Yep, it really does, and yet here we are. Go figure. Marlon and Judd Apatow, I am tuning in for you guys tonight. And then PROMPTLY tuning out as soon as that band of asshole Incubus comes on. Wow, Jimmy, really?

Tuesday:

• The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien - Jeremy Piven, the Human Cannonballs, All-American Rejects
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Jonah Hill, baseball stance expert Gar Ryness, Kelly Clarkson
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Channing Tatum, Joan Rivers, Arctic Monkeys
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Tony Shalhoub, Minka Kelly
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Ashton Kutcher, Nigel Lythgoe, the Script
• Last Call with Carson Daly - RERUN

ERECH: Mr. Munch on f-Craiggers!? Neat! Since it’s the final season, and a friend of ours actually works on that show, Stephan & I are I believe legally obligated to endorse this episode of Fergie, as well as mention that the new season of Monk premieres on Friday on USA - watch it!

And what’s this, another cast member from the GI Joe flick? Wow, August is a slow month. (I’m gonna watch though, I love you Duke!)

STEPHAN: Tony Shalhoub is a great guest too. Besides what else are you going to watch? Yimmy having to pretend Ashton Kutcher has an actual sense of humor?

Wednesday:

• The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien - Sienna Miller, Steve Schirripa
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Johnny Depp, Megan Fox
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Chris Kattan
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Wolf Blitzer, Rose Byrne
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Vanessa Hudgens, Eli Roth, Miike Snow
• Last Call with Carson Daly - EVEN IF IT WAS NEW WOULD YOU WATCH IT??

STEPHAN: Chris Kattan is the worst.

Well, that’s not very helpful. Um, Keen Eddie was a really enjoyable cop show and every time I see Sienna Miller all I think about is how great she was on that show. Her entire role was to be super hot and kind of a bitch. Which seems to be her wheelhouse, since she’s proceeded to do nothing else of note. So, watch the Zone tonight, but pretend it’s 2003. It’ll make the Steve Schirripa appearance make sense too.

ERECH: That’s a hell of a repeat on Letterman, if you missed it first time around. Depp, usually a good interviewee, is his usual charming and slyly funny self. What the hell is it with this guy that makes him so damn likeable? He kind of seems like a jerk if you think about it. I mean, when was the last time he actually made a good movie, aside from the “oh the movie sucks but Depp is dope in it” roles he usually pulls? He’s like the Hugh Laurie of the big screen, right? Hard to fully invest in a dude that is the best thing in a movie shot with a camcorder.

And then that weird porno star Megan Fox is on, and she too is oddly charming here on Dave. Despite the hate we shovel on her here at LNT, I can say this rerun is definitely worth a rewatch. Look, that robit-punchy movie sequel she is in stinks, but after watching it about 7 or 8 times as fall-asleep fodder (like it comes on, 10 minutes later I am snoring and my tv and Xbox 360 shut themselves off automatically 60 minutes later), I can say parts of it are actually really, really good. It’s not what any of us remember as kids when we think of the franchise, and the throwaway dialogue and pointless plot do it no favors either. But nobody who has seen that mess can say that there isn’t about 20 minutes of crazy good robit fights and slo-mo Megan Fox running through deserts that make it just about ok.

Alright, there probably is someone who can say that, but I would just tell them to SHUT IT, punk ass Decepticons.

Thursday:

• The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien - Ed Helms, the Jonas Brothers
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Ray Romano, St. Vincent
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Jeremy Piven, Charlyne Yi, Greg Giraldo
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Zooey Deschanel, Glasvegas
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Sienna Miller, Dave Salmoni, Doug Benson
• Last Call with Carson Daly - DIE CARSON, DIE

ERECH: Tonight’s Conan is a prime example of why I am thoroughly not enjoying his tenure on the show, and why, when everyone was worried the show would change and he told us all in February the show wasn’t going to, I called BS. These lame ass thrust-upon garbage, Top 40 level guests are killing me. Look, I love Ed Helms fine, he’s not the problem here. the Jonas Bros though? Are you kidding me? How does this work into the ethos of what we expect from Conze, Andy, Max, Pierre and others for the last 15 or so years? These aren’t people who Conan should be pretending to be excited for, these are people he should be making fun of. Period. What is this, Kids Incorporated? Yeah yeah, LNT knows how the booking game goes, for every Charlene Yi we get, their reps are going to thrust 10 Jonas Bros on the show in exchange, but literally THE Jonas Bros? Ugh.

Conan should be championing the best with his new slot and power, not boosting the efferent middle that Wierd’O'Wood feeds us. What, is Conan on the bubble? Is he on his way out? This guy just got THE show of late night shows, and he’s blowin’ it. He’s become a hero to the worst garbage there is, promoting more useless fap than Byron g’damned Allen. And chasing the 18 year old’s ratings for a show that should be feeding the middle of the world the way Dave has the last decade, since he opened his eyes to his place in the tv landscape. Conan, it’s just depressing.

I’m not naming names on this, because I’ve got some class, but I know some people who decided to take sides when Conan took over the show, and forewent Dave forever then. Well I’m here to say, in the infamous words of the Grail Knight from Indy 3, you “chose poorly”. Get it together, Zone.

STEPHAN: Couldn’t agree more about the Zone. In the Venn diagram of the people who like Conan and the people who like the Jonas Bros, the middle is tiny. Why are we pandering to that stupid, tiny grouping? So, instead check out Yimmy tonight. Dave Salmoni is kind of a jerk, but also an animal trainer. Also, Comedy’s Doug Benson will follow up animals with jokes. And highness. Just like you dear reader.

Friday:

• The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien - Eric Bana, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Flo Rida
• The Late Show with David Letterman - Joaquin Phoenix, Bar Rafaelli, Anthony Hamilton
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - Paul Giamatti, Ken Jeong, Julian Plenti
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Don Rickles, Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings
• Jimmy Kimmel Live - Quentin Tarantino, Rachel Nichols
• Last Call with Carson Daly - UGH

STEPHAN: The Zone’s taking a step up tonight (Craiggers too, for that matter.). Apparently dumb kids don’t watch TV on Friday?

ERECH: Paul Giamatti and Quentin Tarantino? Wow, you sure know how to turn my stomach teevees. I cannot in sound mind recommend any of this garbage tonight, go out and drink something instead LNT faithful. You’ll thank me for it tomorrow.

And speaking of drinks, maybe it’s time to poor one out for Late Night Thing, as your friends Stephan & Erech ride off into the sunset again for yet another week of late night goodery. They’ve been doing it since way back when, and will probably keep doing it for awhile to come too.

However, with all good relationships, too much time together can turn into a bad thing. After awhile, you begin to hate the very breath the person laying next to you breathes, and thus is where LNT is at now.

We hate you. But just as much, we hate us now too.

LNT used to be a thing Stephan & Erech did out of pure joy, if not for the many thousands of you who read (and don’t comment) each week, but at least for themselves. You have no idea how many times a week we ourselves consult the line-up listings here to see who is going to be on the talkies - what an invaluable tool!

But now, things have changed. Stephan is gearing up for another year of collegiate accomplishments, and Erech is sadly losing a battle again sammichery and the hunger of Seattle. Not to mention some comic stuff both our boys are working on. And here we are where time has suddenly become a far more precious commodity for our hosts.

And with that, it’s with great sadness that we post that this will be the last LNT.

For awhile at least.

Fear not though, we’re coming back when Leno comes back! Your boys will only be gone for a few weeks, and by then, get all fired up to talk and make fun of all that is horrible and great about the late night landscape!

In the meantime, Erech will catch up on some toy reviews, Stephan might do a TV Club update, and there is even a chance of bringing in a new member of the Murdershow Family (oh god, is that like the Psychopathic Records Family? Ugh!) to help keep things moving down here at the HQ.

See you in a few friends, and have a good summer. Back on September 14th!

LNT - Summer hiatus times, bish!

LNT ARCHIVES